TEDDY THE TENDERFOOT: "The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams" (1977)

I've got to be careful. There's so much I could say about "The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams", the iconic mountain man TV series that ran on NBC for almost 2 seasons starting in March of 1977, before even bringing up CMS. So I'll try to keep it short. This is one I have vague memories of from childhood. I can't remember what I thought of it at the time, whether I liked it or not. Since growing up, coming out, and falling in with the bears, it's a show that now takes on an entirely different meaning when I watch it today. A lot of bear guys look at Dan Haggerty and see this vivid manifestation of a sexy archetype, or at least admire his thick beard. His character, James "Grizzly" Adams, even shares a relationship with an actual bear animal that lends itself very easily to reinterpreting as a gay relationship (as Seth MacFarlane famously did on a "Family Guy" episode).

I have to point out something very special before jumping into my rundown of "The Tenderfoot", the 8th episode from the show's first season (first broadcast March 30th, 1977). In the movies and TV shows I have watched so far for this blog, this was the first time CMS was credited as CHARLES Martin Smith, instead of using the more casual Charlie.  I'm not sure of the reasoning behind the switch, though you'll see in the next several CMS roles I look at after this one that he seems to have been going for a slight image make-over. It might have been nothing more than reflecting the fact that he was getting older and maturing (bravo to that!).

You may or may not know the general premise of the series: Mid-19th century American Wilderness. Adams falsely accused of murder. Flees from civilization with a price on his head. Uncanny ability to connect with wild animals.  Learns to live off the land. Friends with crabby old prospector "Mad" Jack (Denver Pyle) and Native American tribesman Nakoma (Don Shanks).  Best friends with Ben the Bear.

These folks deep in the mountains spend a lot of time talking to animals. Adams has conversations with Ben the Bear, who seems to grunt and growl in response. There's also Joshua the Racoon and Gertrude the Goose (among other animals), who chitter and honk back at Mr. Adams when he chats with them. Even "Mad" Jack shares this trait, as we see near the start of the episode, when he talks to his mule he calls "Number Seven". They are waking alongside a small creek as Jack tells the mule that he can sense someone is watching them. And indeed someone is, staring down at them from a hilltop through a pair of binoculars. Who could it be? Is it possibly... a bounty hunter looking for Adams?

No it's not. It's none other than Charles Martin Smith, playing another one of his adorable bumbling nerd roles. He plays Teddy, a young fella out on his own exploring the wilderness, who's so klutzy he can't even walk down a hillside to introduce himself to Jack without stumbling and falling into the creek. Although Teddy is confident he is doing well for himself in the wild, he's feeling kind of lonely, and he asks Jack if he can tag along with him for some company. Of course grouchy Jack isn't too keen on this request, preferring to see the young guy go on his way and move beyond the hidden valley he calls home along with Adams. "I can't stop you from following, I guess..." Jack grumbles as he grabs Number Seven's reins and starts to leave.

They don't get more than a few feet when Teddy starts to pant and wheeze, doubling over and stopping in his tracks. "I'll be fine," he gasps. "It's just asthma, chronic case." In a moment, the attack passes, and Teddy stands up straight again with a smile on his face. But Jack just shakes his head. "If you're smart, you'll be going home," he tells the young guy. "Now. Before you get yourself killed." But Teddy doesn't listen and trots along behind the old man and the mule as they continue on.

After several miles, Jack stops to set up camp for the night, and he asks Teddy what he knows about campsites. The young man reaches into his coat and pulls out a red-covered manual: "The Outdoor Life" by... someone named Lethingwell? I'm not sure, I can't quite make it out. Let's just say it's Lethingwell and move on. "It's the greatest book ever published," Teddy gushes. "It has everything in it: How to blaze new trails. How to survive... under any circumstances. How to make the wilderness your natural home." Jack is not impressed. "Does it tell you anything in that backwoods bible about collecting wood for a fire?" he asks, motioning off towards the open field. Teddy smiles and takes the challenge. "You just leave the fire to me, old man," he enthuses, and he turns away before he can see how he has insulted Jack. "Old man?!?" the grizzled trader fumes, and continues setting up camp.

Teddy does find some good firewood, but only because he literally stumbles upon it. He's awful at making a fire though, first scraping his hand when he tries to use flint and steel to start it, then when he cheats and uses a match he catches the nearby underbrush on fire. Oops! Jack starts to stomp out the fire, but Teddy grabs Jack's canteen of water in a panic and dumps its entire contents on the flames.

So now he needs to head out and find some water, where there are no obvious sources of it anywhere nearby. As he turns to head off on another Lethingwell-guided search, he stands for a moment in profile... and once again my eyes are drawn to that beautiful bubble butt that Mr. Smith possesses. Even covered in layers of outdoor wear, I cannot help but take notice of that captivating curvature. Sigh...

After returning with some nasty-tasting water found in the center of a log (Jack calls it "skunk water" and refuses it when offered), Teddy discloses the reasons he is out here alone in the middle of nowhere. "Well, I have a purpose. A very important purpose," he explains. "I've been called to high service. I'm absolutely sure of that. Destiny is beckoning to me.... I'm going to be somebody, someday. But I've been plagued with illnesses ever since I was a child. My father says that physical fitness is the key to success. So that's why I'm out here!" When he suggests that he just stick with Jack for an extended time, the prospector isn't having it, and he again strongly urges the misguided young man to head back to civilization as soon as he can. Early the next morning, Jack sneaks away from camp and leaves Teddy alone sleeping by the fire.

But it's not that easy to get rid of this "tenderfoot", as Teddy manages to follow Jack to "Grizzly" Adams's isolated log cabin. As he proudly strolls over to Adams and Jack, he finally formally introduces himself: "How do you do? My name is Roosevelt. Theodore Roosevelt." Gosh, he's not any old run-of-the-mill clueless city slicker... he's a future great president of America! Now all that personal information shared while sitting by the campfire makes sense. If only Adams and Jack had any idea who their unwanted visitor would grow up to become....

Sometime later, Teddy is asleep in Adams's bed inside the cabin while the other two talk outside. Meanwhile, Native American tribesman Nakoma (possibly Cherokee like the actor portraying him) walks up to the exterior of the cabin and whispers for Adams through the bedroom window. Hmm, makes me wonder what sort of rendezvous these two have, what with Nakoma showing up at his bedroom window whispering his name. Two-Spirit indeed! He playfully grabs a bucket of water to dump on the person sleeping in the bed, who he assumes is his buddy "Grizzly". Just as Nakoma realizes his error, Teddy awakens in a fright, shouting out in alarm: "Indians! Indians!" In the blink of an eye, he's out of bed and pouncing on the confused "intruder", shouting and screaming and flailing the whole time.

Nakoma manages to fling Teddy off his back, but young guest just won't quit. "I warn you, I'm an expert!" he announces as he puts up his dukes. Nakoma backs away to avoid a punch and accidentally falls over a stool behind him, tumbling to the ground. Teddy takes advantage of the tribal warrior's position, hopping on top of him and pummeling him with his clenched fists. Just in time, Adams rushes into the cabin and pulls Teddy off his downed friend, actually lifting him off the ground with both hands, scooping him up (one hand placed firmly under Teddy's butt) and throwing him across the room! Woah!

While Adams points out that the "savage Indian" is actually his peaceful friend and blood brother, Teddy remains unconvinced. "He attacked me with a bucket of water!" he blurts out, and almost immediately realizes how ridiculous he sounds. Nakoma shares a knowing look with Jack, insults Teddy in his tribe's language (calling him crazy and stinky), and storms out the cabin door. Adams reassures Teddy that it will blow over and asks him to pitch in to clean up the messy aftermath of the altercation. "It was hardly my fault, after all," Teddy mutters in protest and walks outside, leaving  his hosts to clean up the post-fight wreckage strewn all over the cabin. How rude! Jack is understandably irritated, but Adams is a bit more forgiving.

It's time for Teddy to meet the animal friends of Mr. Adams. Gertrude the Goose startles him while he's trying to wash his face in the stream that runs nearby, taking a moment to peck at his behind with her beak (I'd be doing the same thing as Gertrude if I were in her position). An attempt to ride Number Seven ends poorly as Teddy is flung from the temperamental animal's back and into the stream. But you gotta admire the young chap's perpetual pluckiness, as he picks himself back up with a laugh and a smile (even if he does limp away from the scene of the accidental tumble).

Then there's the encounter with Ben the Bear. Our cute tenderfoot has retreated back to the cozy interior of the log cabin, removing his wet clothing and stripping down to his union suit. This would have made for quite a sexy scene, except that it all happens offscreen while we focus on Adams and Jack conversating outside. When we join Teddy, his damp apparel has already been removed and he's wrapped up in a thick blanket. Aw... no Teddy in his undergarments? As you might have seen in a previous entry, the sight of CMS in his underwear makes me very happy (almost as happy as the sight of CMS naked makes me, but I'll get to that in future entries). But as I mentioned, there's an incident with Ben the Bear (one that works to my advantage).

So here's Teddy, chillin' on a bench in front of a warm fire... when in comes the aforementioned  bear. Teddy is startled by the sight of this beast lumbering into the room, even if Ben is being mellow and smiling cheerily at him. Yes, the bear is actually smiling. I guess the bared teeth came across as bloodthirsty. In any case, Teddy throws the blanket off and jumps to his feet. "Bear! Bear!" he shouts as he backs against the wall, shaking with fear. I'm grateful the situation resulted in the sight I was hoping for when the scene began: more unclothed CMS! I'm really loving it, since the long johns are pretty snug, clinging to his beautiful body in the most lovely way.

There's a rifle and ammo across the room, so Teddy scoots by to grab it, which allows me to view his flattering underclothes from behind too. Awww, yeah! There's that deliciously delightful derrière that I adore so much! Teddy's tantalizing tookus, even covered in a (thin) layer of fabric, is such a pleasure to behold...

OK, he's got the rifle in his hands. He's packing the ammo, ready to fire. Can he do it? Can he remain calm in the face of adversity? Well, he can pull a trigger but he can't hit a target, not even one as big as Ben. The bear trots back outside, unscathed, while Teddy gets a face full of black crud as the gunpowder blows up in his face. Oh, will the klutziness never end?

Racing outside under the assumption that the bloodthirsty animal will be attacking his hosts, Teddy is surprised to discover Adams and Jack calmly standing by as gentle Ben meanders away. "Is that your bear?" Teddy asks in disbelief. "He thinks I'm his," Adams replies. Did I mention already how the relationship between the mountain man and his favorite bear is very easy to interpret as some sort of backwoods gay love affair? How the man and the bear more-or-less sleep together? Though Ben is so huge he takes up the whole bed, leaving Adams to sleep on the nearby floor.

Teddy seems to be getting used to things being a little different in this neck of the woods, as he accepts the unconventional relationship between man and beast with an "Oh..." and a shrug of the shoulders. As he turns to leave, I am treated to one last glimpse of his perfect posterior that I can't shut up about. Ahhhh.... so nice.

Soon, Teddy is clothed again (frown) and announces that he's saying goodbye. "What you've accomplished in this valley... I'm very very impressed," he explains to Adams. "I want to do the same thing. And I'm sure I can succeed. I have quite a few ideas of my own." And he marches off into the hills, Gerturde the Goose following closely behind. She must have become as much a fan of his butt as I am, presumably anticipating the opportunity to bite on his behind with her beak a bit more. I can't really blame her for desiring such things...

Things start off nicely, with Gertrude cozying up in Teddy's arms while random deer stroll up and lick his hand (actually CMS not-so-discreetly feeds the cute creature a treat, and as soon as the morsel in his hand is consumed, the deer is outta there). "It's wonderful how friendly the animals are," Teddy muses, seemingly feeling a new connection to the natural world and it's inhabitants. He discovers exactly how friendly when he takes a nap under a tree. He awakes to discover a porcupine crawling around between his legs, sniffing at his crotch. Gosh! But Gertrude is a jealous bitch, and she squawks and beats her wings which scares the cock-curious critter away.

It doesn't take too long for the enthusiastic greenhorn to screw something up again. An attempt at chopping a tree down goes horribly wrong when the timber topples onto Teddy! Oh no! He's trapped underneath! Like something out of "Lassie", Gertrude races back to the Adams cabin, where her distress honks are correctly interpreted to mean that young Theodore is in trouble! Acting like a faithful dog, the goose leads Adams and Jack back to the site of the accident. And just in time too, because a very unfriendly rattlesnake is slithering dangerously close to the pinned young man! Using nothing more than a stick and his bare hands, Adams scoops the serpent up and away. Wow, that was impressive! No wonder this mountain man is so legendary.

"Mad" Jack and "Grizzly" Adams make another plea to "Tenderfoot" Teddy that it's time to go home and leave this wilderness world that he is just not prepared to handle living in. But Theodore is oh-so stubbornly insisting that he is fully capable of roughing it in the wild. To prove it, he will lead them back through the woods to the cabin... and proceeds to head in the wrong direction. Jack's patience is at it's end, but Adams insists on treating Teddy with a little more compassion and understanding, so they still accompany him along the wrong route anyways.

After wandering for who-knows-how-long, Teddy admits he has no idea where they are. A landslide wipes out the trail down a mountainside that they would have taken back to the Adams estate. Their only other option is a decayed rope bridge across a gorge. The others can tell it's not gonna be safe to cross, but of course Teddy volunteers to give it a go. Sensibly pocketing his glasses, he steps up to the edge of the cliff...

Ooooh! It's a long way down to the raging river roiling along the chasm's bottom. All you would need is some crocodiles in the water and some Thugee cult members adding more menace and you would have a setting fit for the finale of "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" (1984). Thank goodness there's no whiny Kate Capshaw around. Teddy, in a combination of bravery and stupidity, steps out onto the rotting wood planks of the crumbling overpass. "Lethingwell never said anything about bridges," he tells himself. "I guess I'm on my own." Yes he is, as the other 2 stay behind, shouting for Teddy to come back.

Danger! Danger! Half-way across, the ropes begin to split and the planks crack and collapse under him! Yikes!  In the midst of this perilous predicament, I get the unexpected surprise of a camera shot from between his legs looking up at his crotch. Now THAT'S exciting!

Obviously, Teddy is going to survive and grow up to become the president... but I am going to stop my recap right here. Even if you know the golden rules of 1970s TV (specifically, everything turns out OK in the end), I'm not gonna tell you how this literal cliffhanger resolves itself. There's been enough spoilers in this entry already.

Speaking of spoiling, I'm getting spoiled by all this tasty footage of an intensely cute and dreamy Charles Martin Smith. I don't know how I felt about the show itself. I'm all for it's message of respecting nature and living in peace with the animals, but I don't think Dan Haggerty is a very charismatic actor. He grows a nice beard, but I found myself more captivated by a clean-shaven CMS. Haggerty has a nice smile, but on that count Mr. Smith has him beat too. I am sure many of my bear friends would think me insane for not being attracted, but "Grizzly" just doesn't do it for me. I'd much rather choose Charles, who in addition to being super-adorable in this episode also gives a very entertaining performance. Admittedly, he's just playing one of those awkward nerd roles again, but he's so damn good at it!

I shouldn't be surprised that this much-beloved TV series is not out on DVD. Like I've said before, there's a ton of movies and TV content from the 1970s that has seemingly disappeared into the void. Fortunately, some nice fan posted episodes on YouTube, including the one I have written about here.

HAROLD THE HERO: "Baretta" (1976)

I have vague memories from my childhood of seeing episodes of the relatively popular "Baretta" TV series (1975-78). I mostly remember the dramatic theme song ("Keep Your Eye On The Sparrow", vocals courtesy of Sammy Davis Jr) more than anything particular about the show. When it comes to the star, Robert Blake, I am more likely to think of his freaky performance in David Lynch's mindfuck masterpiece, "Lost Highway" (1997), than I am any of his other roles. Shhh... Don't tell anyone, but I still haven't seen what is probably one of the most famous films he ever appeared in: the 1973 cult classic "Electra Glide In Blue". One of these days, I'll have to finally sit down and give it a viewing. Mr. Blake isn't bad in this show: he's supposed to be a plainclothes New Jersey cop, but he looks and acts more "of the streets" than "from the Academy". Baretta has two signature behaviors worth noting: When investigating a case, he frequently dons elaborate (and sometimes silly) disguises in order to penetrate deeper into the world of crime.  He also has a pet Cockatoo named Fred who listens to him as he sits in his run-down apartment, talking his way through his case and putting the pieces together. 

This episode from the 3rd season, titled "Shoes" (after the nickname of Charlie's character), was first broadcast October 27th, 1976 on ABC (just a few days shy of CMS's 23rd birthday). We first see Shoes about 5 minutes in, demonstrating how he earned his nickname, shining some guy's  shoes in an urban pool hall. A few feet away, Baretta casually plays a game of billiards, absentmindedly banging his cue stick on the floor as he contemplates his new case between shots. This gets the attention of the deaf-mute bootblack, who can feel the vibrations through the floor. 

We even get a close up of his hand on the floor, sensing the impact of the stick through his palm pressed agains the linoleum. When you look at his hand, the first thing you probably see is how dirty his fingers and nails are. Meanwhile,  I don't even pay any attention to that, instead zeroing in on the healthy amount of hair on Charlie's wrist and forearm. I'm so predictable... If I had a bootblack fetish, I'd be getting very worked up right about now.

Baretta is really frustrated. Usually he's content to voice his thoughts to Fred the Cockatoo (who's sitting on a shelf by him), but today Fred's not enough. "Shoes, my good man. I'm glad you're here," he says as Shoes turns to him. "You're one of the few people that listen." Har har, a deaf guy that listens... that's supposed to be funny or something. "I will explain to you my dilemma," Baretta continues on. "Betwixt you and me and the pool balls, we'll come up with some answers." There's a rapist on the loose in the neighborhood recently, and he's just claimed another victim and left her strangled corpse in an alley. Baretta rattles off his observations  while Shoes just sits and stares at him, being an even less interactive "listener" than the cockatoo. He gets bored after a minute or two and wanders away, leaving Baretta alone with Fred, asking his rhetorical questions to a room strangely empty of any customers or even any employees.

Among the assortment of characters in the neighborhood, we meet exceedingly eager young missionary Sister Olive (Bond Girl Lana Wood, hiding behind a thick pair of coke-bottle glasses), who boisterously bangs a tambourine and belts out religious hymns, rousting street bums passed out in back alleys and sending them over to the mission for hot soup and the word of the Lord. In one scene, we see her dancing around a side room in the Eternal Rescue Mission building, singing yet another hymn (she just can't seem to stop), while Shoes (who occasionally hangs out with the singing missionaries on the area sidewalks) sits nearby eating a baloney sandwich under a huge painting of Jesus. There's a knock at the front door, and Olive wanders into the other room to answer it while Shoes quietly munches away.

It's a man claiming to be a police officer searching for the neighborhood rapist. He'd like to come in and look around, but Olive shuts the door in his face with a rather sassy reply: "There is no need for police in the house of the Lord." But the guy actually is the neighborhood rapist! He barges in and wrestles Sister Olive to the floor. "Shoes! Shoes! Shoes!" she screams out as the rapist struggles with her. It kind of makes for a strange scene, since the rapist has no idea she's talking about a person and must think she's just randomly shouting about footwear while he's trying to violate her. Shoes is just around the corner and oblivious to the crime occurring in the other room. Until Olive starts violently kicking the floor, sending vibrations through it to the deaf guy's palm as we had seen demonstrated before in the pool hall. Shoes feels it, and suddenly senses that something is wrong.

Shoes swiftly gets to his feet and steps into the room next door, peering into the darkness and spotting the two people struggling. He quickly sees that his friend Olive is in trouble, and he suddenly and without hesitation runs over to save her from her attacker. Go, Shoes, go! Such bravery!

The rapist immediately gets Shoes into a headlock and starts savagely pounding on the poor guy's head! Oh my God! He's really pounding on Shoes! Olive scampers away and out the door as the two men continue to battle. The fighting is really intense and Shoes is really taking a beating. It's so convincingly brutal that I actually started crying as I was watching the episode! I just couldn't handle watching Charlie get roughed up like that!

Shoes is finally thrown to the ground, holding his battered head and writhing in pain. Behind him on the floor, the rapist dropped something: a police badge. Is the rapist a police officer? Poor pulverized Shoes opens his eyes just long enough to see the attacker pick up the badge and pocket it. Oh Jeez! Poor, poor Shoes! I know, I know... It's just acting and it's not real. Still, this scene really upset me. Charlie made his suffering very convincing, something he has proven to be good at. You'll have to pardon me a minute. I need to grab a kleenex and wipe my eyes.

We see Charlie again in a scene where Shoes shows up at the 53rd Precinct, the same one where Baretta works. But Shoes is here on a special mission: he didn't get a good look at the attacker's face, but he saw the badge and saw his shiny black shoes. It seems that although Shoes is not an educated guy, he's not mentally deficient either. He stakes out a spot in a hallway for a bit, scrutinizing the footwear of the other people walking by. He then moves on to the police locker room, and begins digging through the contents of an unlocked locker until he comes across a pair that seems to be identical to the ones he saw the other night.

Of course somebody notices what Shoes is doing and he is almost arrested as a pickpocket. But Baretta happens to be at the station and intercedes on the young deaf-mute's behalf. "He ain't a pickpocket," Baretta tells the arresting officer. "I known the guy 15 years. He wouldn't steal a golfball." It's interesting that although he's supposed to have known Shoes for 15 years, this is the only episode you ever see the character in. The other officers recognize that this is another one of Baretta's "charity cases", and since no one was hurt and nothing was stolen, they let him take the young guy off their hands.

Baretta escorts Shoes outside, asking him questions that the bootblack can't hear, and we get the feeling that he can't read lips either because nothing Baretta says or does seems to be getting through. Why was he going through the locker? Does this have something to do with Sister Olive (who has been missing since the attack)? No response from Charlie. After a minute or two, he gets frustrated with Shoes and gives him a shove and a kick in the pants, sending him away to stagger sadly down the street. Jeez! More violent treatment for poor Shoes! So heartbreaking!

We see a brief scene of Sister Olive showing up to work at another Christian soup kitchen, which does not escape the notice of the rapist. Meanwhile, there's an investigative trail that leads nowhere for Baretta, and he retreats to the neighborhood pool hall again to rethink the details of the case. Once again, he finds himself looking into Shoe's sad stare as he rattles off his thoughts.

Baretta touches Shoes on the head, who flinches in pain when the still-tender top of his skull is pressed on. When Baretta examines more closely, he feels big swollen bumps and finally realizes that the poor guy has been the victim of serious violence. I hope you feel bad now for knocking him around earlier, jerk.

Baretta starts putting it all together, connecting Shoes, Sister Olive, the rapist, and the incident at the police station. OMG! Shoes knows who the attacker is, and that the attacker is a cop! Baretta confirms this when he pulls out his badge and gets more of a reaction from the deaf guy, who now is clearly agitated and frustrated by the communication gap.

I don't know how, but after much shouting and wild gesticulation somehow they finally get through to each other. I'm not sure how he would know this, but Shoes knows where Sister Olive is now working, serving hot soup to the homeless (where the rapist is watching her from nearby). The two of them rush from the pool hall and into Baretta's car, zooming off to Sister Olive's rescue.

Usually, with these entries, I've been trying to not give away the endings. But I think I am gonna suspend that policy here, since I just have to tell you how absurd the whole thing becomes. There's spoilers coming up...

It's time for Sister Olive to take a break, and she heads off to the building's rooftop to sit alone with her thoughts. The evil rapist slips away from his spot at a nearby table in the dining room and follows her up the stairs. Baretta and Shoes show up a moment later, looking everywhere for the doomed missionary girl. "You stay here!" Baretta tells Shoes as he runs to the stairs in pursuit to the roof, but of course the young fella is not going to stay put. While the rapist is strangling Olive, Baretta bursts through a door and starts firing. There's a shoot out between the two, as Olive is thrown over a ledge, barely hanging on by her fingernails as she dangles over the cement many floors below. In the middle of all this, we see that somehow Shoes has climbed the wall on the side of the building as if he were Spiderman, pulling himself over the edge and onto the roof behind the rapist and the endangered missionary.

Like the superhero he now seems to be, Shoes runs over and fights with the attacker, the air filled with the pops of gunfire and the screams of Olive, who is still hanging on the edge of the roof. It's all so melodramatic. In a way, appropriately enough, the whole thing reminds me of the fight scene at the end of Fritz Lang's silent classic, "Metropolis" (1926):  hero Freder and villain Rotwang fighting on the cathedral rooftop while missionary girl Maria hangs from the edge by her fingertips. Maybe it's just me. Anyhow, after much struggling and screaming Baretta gets a bullet into the rapist, who lets out a yell and throws himself off the roof to his death.  Olive is quickly pulled back over the ledge to safety.

It's time for that last scene again, that one I have mentioned before that is at the end of just about every single TV show from the '70s where all the characters come together for a smile and a hug, where we see all the plot lines are resolved and everything is going to turn out great for everyone. In this particular instance, we hear that Shoes is finally going to go to school to learn sign language. And Sister Olive shares a final revelation: Shoes has a real name, and it is Harold Hergesheim. Awww. What a nice name. Strangely, there is no mention of Olive needing any treatment for suffering 2 attacks at the hands of a brutal serial rapist, and she doesn't seem the least bit traumatized. Instead, she's happily off to school with Shoes/Harold to learn how to communicate with him better. Yay. Group hug, fade out, the end.

Well, I had some pretty mixed reactions to this one. At times I really got pulled into the drama and danger, and I think a lot of the credit for that goes to Charlie, who did a great job playing another difficult & demanding part. I believed his deafness, and even more I really believed his pain. His committed performance made up for some weaknesses in the script (especially that silly ending).  That's '70s television for you...

Only select episodes of "Baretta" have been released on DVD so far. This particular installment is not among them. I'm so happy a dedicated fan out there was kind enough to upload it, filling a gap in my CMS collection.

DUDLEY THE DEPUTY: "Law of the Land" (1976)

"A frontier sheriff and his young deputies search for a serial killer who is murdering prostitutes." That's the plot description given on IMDb for this entry's film: "Law of the Land" AKA "The Deputies" (first broadcast April 29, 1976 on NBC). Sounds kinda exciting, doesn't it? That's what I thought too when I first read up on this TV-made western. So I was actually looking forward to watching this one. It's got a decent cast: Don Johnson, Barbara Parkins, Jim Davis, Cal Bellini, Moses Gunn, Nicholas Hammond, Glenn Corbett to name just a few. Charlie is the 4th name listed in the credits (after the sheriff and 2 main characters). He has a fairly decent-sized supporting role as Dudley Buford, a young man desperate to become one of the deputies of Denver CO circa late 19th century, several years after the Civil War.

Here's a short clip of the murder that sets the story in motion. There's no CMS in it, unfortunately. We don't see him until about 20 minutes into the film. Quirt (Johnson) is drifting through town, and was the last client of the murdered prostitute, Lila. Fellow whore Jane Adams (Parkins) names Quirt as a chief suspect, and he is arrested the next morning by Deputy Tom Condor (Bellini).

Our first scene with Charlie! Deputy-to-be Dudley is just starting his return trip to the sheriff's office, bringing lunch to the sheriff wrapped in a cloth. He's happily strolling along the wooden promenade, when he comes to the edge by the muddy street. The movie had gone out of it's way to depict the horrors of the unpaved streets of yesteryear, and here we come upon another illustration of this point. Dudley looks down at a huge puddle in front of him. Can he jump over it?

Awww... not quite! He almost makes it across, landing on the far edge of the puddle and splashing his pants. Not too bad, only a little dirty... It could have been worse. Suddenly, a man on a horse comes plowing down the street, running right through the puddle, splashing even more muddy water all over poor Dudley, completely covering him in filth.

When he spots Deputies Brad (Hammond) and Andy (Corbett) at the end of the street bringing in another suspect on horseback, Dudley excitedly rushes to the sheriff's office to tell the others. He bursts in and hurries over to the desk of Sherrif Pat Lambrose (Davis). "They got him," he hyperventilates. "I saw them coming down the street!" His eagerness is ignored by the Sheriff Pat, who just wants his lunch, but Tom is a bit more interested as he asks if the suspect was wearing a sabre (the murder weapon used). Dudley begins to rattle off some theories when the sherriff interrupts: "'Bacca?"

"Huh?" Dudley responds. Exactly: huh? I didn't understand the sheriff either. But Pat repeats himself: "You were gonna bring me some 'tobacca'!" Ohhh... tobacco. Duh! Darn. Dudley forgot the sherrif's tobacco. Frustration sets in when he realizes he is being sent back out to get it, which would cause him to miss the interrogation of the suspect. Aww, he just wants to help and prove himself, and one day... maybe finally be a deputy and wear a badge. Until then, he's stuck running lame errands for the sheriff, getting strung along for who-knows-how-long. Dudley turns and leaves, his head hanging down in disappointment, while Pat chuckles and shakes his head.

He takes a detour from his trip to the tobacco shop to intercept the deputies and the possible suspect: an army Lieutenant who happened to be in love with the murdered girl. Dudley's getting inquisitive and is starting to ask questions, when Andy distracts him with an offer to "make the rounds" of the town on horseback together. "You bet!" Dudley enthuses as he eagerly grabs the opportunity to do something more deputy-like . Meanwhile, Quirt is freed due to lack of evidence, and a group of rabble rousers jump him. Andy breaks up the fight and Dudley gets to walk the troublemakers down the street to their jail cells.

Dudley is thinking about that army lieutenant. He really thinks the guy committed the murder. Looking up at him on his horse earlier, he thought he could see something in his eyes, something sneaky... Yeah,  Dudley is convinced, and shares his unsolicited theories with Sheriff Pat while pacing around the office.

But the sheriff still needs his tobacco, and Dudley still has to go get it. "I'm sure sorry about that," Dudley apologizes. "But with Andy needing help and all..." Pat takes this opportunity to commend Dudley on the fine job he did bringing the rowdies in. Maybe someday he'll be the deputy he has dreamed of becoming for so long. "Do you really think so, Pat?" Dudley asks, his eyes filled with hope. And he heads out the door beaming with pride as the sheriff just chuckles and shakes his head again.

The gas streetlights are being lit outside the jail, as Dudley releases a sick man from his cell (who I think was arrested for a "drunk & disorderly" incident). As the freed man leaves, coughing into a hanky, Andy arrives with a telegram in hand. As he sits and reads it, Dudley watches the released man through the window, and shares what Brad had told him: the man is dying, and doesn't seem to be doing anything about it beyond getting drunk.

But Andy doesn't have time for a chat. The telegram had important information concerning the murder case, and he is off to tell the sheriff, leaving Dudley alone in the office, reading the important telegram and pondering the significance of it's revelation.

The killer strikes again, making an attempt to murder Jane. Even worse, one of the deputies is killed! This leaves a vacant position among the lawmen under the sheriff, who decides to make Quirt the new deputy in town. This doesn't sit too well with Dudley, who everyone knows wanted the job more than anything. Tough luck, fella. The deputies all take off to do their duties guarding Jane from another attempt on her life, leaving Dudley alone in the police office with the least exciting duty of all: brewing coffee.

Quirt later finds Dudley sitting alone among some stationary trains, quiet and dispirited, lost in thought. "Pat said you might be here," Quirt says. "We need you." Dudley looks over. "To bring him breakfast?" he asks with more than a hint of bitterness. To mind the store, Quirt replies. While everyone else goes out to patrol the streets without him, Dudley points out.

Quirt apologizes for hurting Dudley's feelings by taking the deputy position he wanted, and this breaks through Dudley's iciness, who shares his ideas of leaving town to pursue a different life path. Quirt  shares a bit of his mysterious backstory, talking about the father he has been wandering the country looking for over the past five years.

"When I find him," Quirt muses, "I'll show him what I learned since he left." And he whips out his pistol, wowing Dudley with his fast draw moves. He then fires off several shots at a tin can across the railroad yard, causing it to bounce around between the tracks.

Dudley rushes over to examine the can, shocked to discover that there's not one bullet hole in it. Quirt made the can dance around without actually hitting the can itself with any of the bullets! "Not even a crease!" Dudley marvels. "How did you learn to do that?"

"Could you teach me?" Dudley asks. "If I could do what you did, I wouldn't have to go. Pat would pin a star on me like he did on you." Quirt shakes his head. "I don't know," he sighs. "I don't want to be keeping you from bigger things."

"Forget the bigger things! Just let me try to learn," Dudley pleads, and he gives an "aw-come-on-pretty-please" smile that  Quirt just cannot say no to. I understand that, as I would have a hard time saying no to Charlie's adorable smile either. Yay! It looks like Dudley is gonna stick around after all! He offers to accompany Quirt to the telegraph office to retrieve another important telegram.

When they arrive to claim it, Dudley makes a discovery about Quirt: he can't read! Not really surprising in those days. Dudley, however, is an educated young man who can read. He can't resist taunting Quirt a bit, who refuses to admit his illiteracy out loud. But enough joking. The telegram contains crucial evidence that incriminates a particular individual, and there are arrests to be made.

But the murderer won't be caught that easily. While the deputies are out hunting for him, he preys upon Dudley alone at the station, tying him up and gagging him. There's a not-so-action-packed finale with screaming and gunfire, the killer running through the streets in a flowing cape and brandishing a sword... hilariously resembling, of all people, Z Man on his murderous rampage at the end of "Beyond The Valley of the Dolls" (1970).

I'll be nice and not spoil the identity of the killer, although to be honest it's not a terribly surprising revelation when it comes. One thing I will spoil: Dudley survives, joining the other characters in the courtroom as the final pieces of the mystery behind the killing spree are explained and meditated upon.

What 1970s TV movie or series would be complete without that last scene of all the main characters together, sharing a laugh over some silly comment that's not actually funny, as the credits begin to roll? Never mind that there have been people murdered, or even that Dudley is still not a deputy. Laugh, people, laugh! Let the viewers leave with a warm feeling in their heart.... We conclude on a freeze frame of the main characters crossing the muddy street outside the courthouse, looking almost like a wild west version of the "Abbey Road" album cover.

I've already voiced my lack of enthusiasm for the western genre. So maybe I can't offer the best opinion of this sort of movie. It wasn't a horrible viewing experience, but it wasn't a great one either. It was just kind of... meh. Mediocre script, blandly realized setting, little suspense... But at least there's some good performances from the cast. I have read this was originally intended as a pilot for a TV series. I wonder what that would have been like? We probably would have seen Quirt reunited with his long-lost father, and almost certainly would have been able to witness Dudley finally become a deputy.

This film is another one that has slipped into obscurity and been mostly forgotten. I have had to get a VHS of the movie to finally see it. Even if I was kind of bored with the flick, I found Charlie cute and likable in it (as usual). It seems silly that I cared more about Dudley getting to become a deputy than I did about catching the serial killer, though that says more about my personal bias regarding Mr. Smith than anything else.