WORKING WITH WOLVES: the challenges of making "Never Cry Wolf" (1983)

It's been clear for a long time now to readers of this blog that "Never Cry Wolf" is my favorite film of all time. It's easy to assume it's because of the extremely sexy presence of Charles Martin Smith in the lead role, and that does indeed contribute to the film's appeal. But there's so much more about this film to love and admire. The writing, directing, music score, and especially the cinematography are all fantastic and perfect. But it could have turned out a very different film. It's kind of amazing that the end result is as flawless as it is. "Never Cry Wolf" had a long and difficult production that could have ended poorly for all involved. The backstory of the film's creation is actually one of the most fascinating aspects of this movie. Let me share it with you (along with a fine selection of promotional stills from my rather large personal CMS collection)...

"Never Cry Wolf" author Farley Mowat

First some background on the book: In 1962, Canadian environmentalist author Farley Mowat published a novelized version of his actual experiences spent alone for several months in the sub-Arctic wilds. Sent in 1948 by the Dominion Wildlife Service to investigate if wolves were the  cause of declining caribou herds, Mowat discovered that the wolves he was assigned to observe in their natural habitat were not exactly the savage killers he expected them to be. Commended by many, criticized by some, the book is now considered a classic.

"Never Cry Wolf" director Carroll Ballard

Fresh off the phenomenal critical and financial success of "The Black Stallion" (1979), filmmaker Carroll Ballard was chosen in early 1980 to replace outgoing director Louis Malle in bringing an adaptation of Mowat's work to the screen, a pet project of Walt Disney's son-in-law Ron W Miller. Disney Studios were in the midst of an image makeover, releasing PG-rated films of a somewhat darker tone, such as the creepy chiller "The Watcher in the Woods" (1980) and the sinister sci-fi of "The Black Hole" (1979). The time seemed right to produce what would be the most mature and adult film the studio had released up to that point. The retooled production was given the green light, as Ballard replaced the initially-chosen filmcrew with a new bunch of cinematic technicians.  Included in this fresh group, acclaimed cinematographer Hiro Narita provided the spectacular visuals, while frequent David Lynch collaborator Alan Splet created the film's exquisitely rich sound design. 

Ballard also decided the actor initially assigned to the lead role, William Katt, had to be replaced as well. "He was very good, and wanted to play the part badly" the director recalled in an interview. "But he was too handsome. I didn't want anyone who looked 'with it' because I thought it would undermine the character." I would agree that William Katt was a bit too prettyboy to play Farley Mowat's cinematic alter ego, and I'm extra happy he chose Charles Martin Smith as the new lead. I know CMS was not considered conventionally attractive at the time, but it's kind of funny to me that Smith's appearance in this film is in my opinion the ultimate visual representation of  handsomeness, despite the director's intentions. Ballard felt in the end that the casting of Charles was a very lucky choice. "We worked in very difficult locations for months at a time," he said. "Most actors would be screaming. Charlie was surprisingly enthusiastic. He waited for days just for the chance to jump over a rock."

"I was warned," CMS recalled in an interview. "The director said it would be the worst shoot I'd ever been on. He tried to talk me out of it. There were many times in the following months when I wished he had... I really don't enjoy physical discomfort, but I've always prided myself on the ability to do these kinds of things. There are probably a lot of actors who wouldn't have been able to do it." Originally, the plan was for four months shooting on location in Nome, Alaska, the Yukon Territory, and British Columbia, Canada, followed by one month of post-production. Instead, the making stretched to 18 months of filming in the Arctic and an extra year and a half of post-production work. The shoot began in May 1980, with Ballard filming for 5 months, then taking a break for the winter before returning in March 1981 to film for four more months. "I spent two months naked amid caribou and wolves in the Alaskan cold," Smith recalled. "I also fell through the ice of a frozen lake and worked ten weeks in the freezing rain. Every once in a while, I remarked, 'Whatever happened to drawing-room comedy?'"

When the pre-production preparations ended and filming began, Charles was thrust into an adventure somewhat similar to the one his character experiences in the movie. "After we'd been flying for twelve hours," he recounted, "a bush pilot dropped me off in the  middle of nowhere. The only evidence of civilization was the tiny dirt airstrip we landed on. A truck was waiting, and I got in. Ten minutes along a dirt road, we had to stop for a grizzly bear that was blocking the way. He looked us over, scratched himself, casually wandered off, and we continued on. We drove for another hour and finally came across a little van in the road, with a camera on a tripod and everybody bundled up in parkas, huddled together. Carroll Ballard walked up , said 'Hi, we've been waiting for you,' and immediately put me to work shooting a scene that took five hours to film." 

For much of the ensuing shoot, CMS was the only actor on the set. "It was the loneliest film I've ever worked on," Smith said. When asked if it was hard to maintain his sanity, he replied: "It wasn't easy. I kind of went insane at times. The guys on the crew who stuck it out became an incredibly close-knit group." The shoot was extremely demanding, with Ballard refilming a scene many times to get it perfect, or sitting and waiting for the natural elements he wanted to present themselves. Shoots sometimes ran as long as 20 hours whenever the weather permitted, and filming took place 6 days a week. Cheryl Shawver, the film's head wolf trainer, remembered the experience: "We had to live in tents that were only two feet off the ground: the kind you crawl into and can't stand up in. It was freezing cold, and I remember falling asleep one night after a particularly hard day of filming. I'd been asleep for maybe two hours when someone jostled me awake and said 'The lighting is perfect, bring the wolves.'" Under this stressful schedule, many crew people quit the production. Eventually, Ballard was able to stabilize the shoot with a new assembly of technicians from Vancouver BC, replacing the freshly-departed Hollywood crew.

The harsh environment also presented many deterrents. "The wind was amazingly bad," Smith said. "I used to pray for it to die down. The first time it did die down, the mosquitos were so bad that I prayed for the wind to return. The black flies were worse than the mosquitoes because I was allergic to them. The first time I was bit by a black fly, my entire arm swelled up." Another Smith remembrance: "I got sick a number of times. Everyone on the crew did.  I got pneumonia at one point during the filming, and just about the time I got over it, Carroll got it." Then matters were complicated by the 3 month actor's strike of June 1980. "Had the production not been granted a waiver, (it) would have closed down," Smith said. "The film probably would have gone down the drain."

CMS with Brian Dennehy on location

There were a few brief stretches when CMS had other actors to share the shoot with. Brian Dennehy was featured in a supporting role, flying to the location for a few weeks work. In the final released film, he appears in only a few scenes. Two Inuit (Eskimo) actors, Zachary Ittimangnaq and Sampson Jorah, were also cast in the film. "Not being professional actors, they had none of the bad habits that you get from acting," Smith observed. "The cameras didn't seem to bother them. Their performances are so genuine that anything I did playing those scenes that looked the least bit staged would look bad by comparison."

CMS with Farley Mowat on location

Another person cast in the film was Farley Mowat himself. Although his scenes were deleted from the final cut of the movie, it did give Smith the opportunity to meet the man he was portraying in the film. The two got along quite well, and Farley shared many personal anecdotes with Charles about the real experiences depicted in the film. The actor was deeply impressed with the iconic environmentalist. "Farley is a dedicated, compassionate man," he declared. "There are things that he believes in and fights for."

Of course, we must mention the wolves too. Around 30 of them were used in the making of the film. Although trained animals courtesy of Hollywood and Seattle suppliers were used, one wild wolf did wander onto the shoots. "The fog machines were working full blast and the wolves were to run though the mist," trainer Chawver remembered. "At the end of the day, we couldn't find our black wolf, Igor. Suddenly, two trainers each shouted that each of them had found him. One trainer had. The other found a local wild wolf who was attracted to the commotion of making a movie." Another fact she shared was a little disturbing: "The wolves needed constant supervision. A trainer had to be with them at all times. There was a bounty on the animals and more than a few people around would have liked to claim that reward." The wolves spent 4 months in training before the production began shooting. "One of the most difficult actions Kolchak (the lead wolf) had to learn was to lift his leg on cue for a scene depicting the animal marking his territory," Chawver explained. "It took two weeks to train Kolchak to learn to do it. At first, he didn't like having his leg lifted, but he soon got the idea. One day, the crew filmed 57 takes of Kolchak just lifting his leg. It was amazing for a wolf to do that."

"The wolves used in the picture were trained, but they weren't that trained," CMS pointed out. " I had a number of face-to-face confrontations with them, but the edgiest was totally unexpected. It was a scene where the wolf was to sniff around the outside flap of my tent. The wolf hadn't read the script. Instead he ripped through the canvas as if it were paper, and came in behind me. I sat very still, afraid that he would panic and start biting me.  I said, 'Carroll, he's in the tent.' Carroll said, 'I know. Don't move. It's a great shot." After a moment, the wolf snatched a sock and ran away with it. "I had no fear of the wolves," Ballard said. "But the attack dogs... now, they were freaky." Seven attack-trained German shepherds were used in a dream sequence in the film depicting wolves attacking the main character. To make them appear more wolf-like, they were sprayed with tinted hairspray. 

One dangerous scene required the film's protagonist to fall through the ice covering a frozen lake. There were problems almost immediately. "These guys were professional ice divers," Ballard said. "They make their living doing surveys of marine life and such under the ice in winter. Well, right away two of them got into trouble - oxygen-regulator-freeze-up - and had to be hauled out. Scared the hell of them. Then the double tried to do it, and he got into trouble - an involuntary convulsive reaction to the cold - and he had to be hauled out. So then we were down to Charlie, and I asked him, 'Charlie, you want to try?' Charlie said sure, put on the gear, dropped into the lake, swam 50 feet under the ice, and did the scene. Not only once, but twice." 

Smith's description of the experience is even more intense. "The cold was bad enough," he recalled. "But it was the claustrophobia, the desperation of trying to find some way to get out, that got me. My parka weighed a ton. It dragged me down, all I could see was ice above me, and I thought I was going to die trying to climb out of there. When I finally managed to struggle out, exhausted, coughing and gasping, Carroll Ballard came over from behind the camera, and said, 'Charlie, you played that scene well,'" 

The most difficult sequence of the entire production was the scene which had Charles Martin Smith running naked among a rushing herd of caribou that were being attacked by a pack or wolves. Two months (and over a third of the budget) were spent capturing it all on film. Because of multiple complications, the scene ended up split over two shoots: the first in June 1980 and the second in June of the following year. "We had to go all the way to Nome, Alaska, to do the 10 minute sequence," Ballard described. "We had to move a whole pack of wolves, the crew and a ton of gear to a place that really is the end of the world. The first problem we had was finding the caribou. There are a couple of wild herds in Alaska, but no way you can get to them. The herds travel 50 miles a day. We had to negotiate to borrow the caribou from local reindeer barons, Eskimos who raise big herds of the animals for the fuzz on their antlers, which they can sell to the Koreans as an aphrodisiac. It was unbelievable what these guys wanted. Some of them wouldn't even talk to us. One guy wanted us to buy him two helicopters in exchange for letting us borrow his reindeer. 

"We eventually made a deal but only had a few weeks to shoot the sequence," Ballard continued. "It rained for the first ten days. On the eleventh day, Korean businessmen arrived on the scene with briefcases full of money for the fuzz. On top that, the reindeer were always moving to where we couldn't find them. The tundra in Nome is covered with water in the summer, so we had to fly in horses that could move around in the mud and water to round up the caribou. The problems filming that scene were almost never-ending. We worked for seven days a week for four weeks from seven in the evening to 11PM, then one in the morning to seven. It never really gets dark in Nome in the summer."

Mr. Smith also vividly recalls the experience. "It's only a ten minute sequence, but we shot for twelve hours a day to get it. We fought the weather. Up there it changes fast. In May, the Bering Sea has pack ice. It looks like the north pole. A month later, the sun goes high and stays up. In between, you catch all the storms that blow off in the Gulf of Alaska. Besides racing the weather, we raced time. We had three weeks to film the caribou before they were driven to Nome for dehorning. We also had to shoot the wolves chasing them, and last but not least me- running naked among them. I would crouch in the bushes, they'd get the caribou started and pop the wolves out of their cages, there'd be total chaos for about 20 seconds., and then the caribou would be gone, and I'd sit down and wait. In about two hours they'd be back in position, and we'd do it again. We did this every night, from 6PM until 6 in the morning, until we had enough little pieces to get the caribou footage. Then we filled in with running shots of the wolves and me." 

Another interview I found has Charles describing what the typical day was like when working on this particular sequence, and it gives you some idea why it took up so long to shoot. "They took me in a boat around to the end of the peninsula," he remembered. "It was all organized like D Day - serious and hush hush. I scrambled out of the boat and quickly took my clothes off on the beach. I was supposed to spring up over the top of the embankment, surprise the caribou and run among them while the cameras rolled. When I went over the top, though, they were already long gone. The point is you can't just sneak up on caribou -- they make their living not being sneaked up on."

As the production stretched into it's second year, the exhausted crew began to jokingly call the film "Never Cry Wrap." The original script by Samm Hamm was re-written mid-production by Curtis Hanson, then revised again by Richard Kletter. The story doctoring continued and expenses mounted as others in the industry began describing "Never Cry Wolf" as "a movie without a budget or a script." Disney Studios was starting to panic, and began to pressure the crew to finish filming. Supposedly at this point, the shoot was costing a reported $50,000 a day. The plug was nearly pulled before shooting was finally completed in June 1981 (shortly after the 2nd caribou shoot), and the cast and crew returned home the following July.

After such an incredibly long time on location, it's no surprise that Carroll Ballard came back from Alaska with a massive amount of footage that somehow had to be shaped into a coherent motion picture:  about 3/4 of a million feet of film. "It was like putting together confetti," Smith described. As Ballard waded though what he called "oceans of film," he realized that "the problems in shooting were nothing compared to what we had to go through in the postproduction work." Around October 1981, Ballard asked Smith to help him with the work-in-progress, and by Christmas that year they had a rough cut of the movie that was approximately 3 1/2 hours long to screen for the studio executives. "I guess it was at the end of that screening that I realized it was not going to be a smooth flight."

Ballard then cut the running time down to 2 1/2 hours and added a new narration (written by Charles Martin Smith with the assistance of Eugene Corr & Christina Luescher and spoken by Smith). This 2nd version was screened for the Disney execs, but they did not respond well to it either. "I think they were honestly appalled," Ballard recalled. This version was also screened at a sneak preview in Seattle, which Ballard described as a "total disaster." So he returned to the cutting room and removed another fifteen minutes, including the opening sequence recreating Mowat's arrival in the small town of Nootsack (the last bit of civilization before traveling into the wild). This 3rd version was previewed in San Francisco, and once again the audience did not respond well. At this point, Carroll Ballard had been struggling with editing "Never Cry Wolf" for over a year, and Disney Studios were becoming increasingly frustrated with the situation. "Ron Miller gave me an ultimatum," Ballard explained. "Either finish the film by January 1983, or they would take it away from me and finish it themselves."

Filled with despair, Caroll Ballard finally found hope when he received a new score for the film, written by Mark Isham (the first of many motion picture soundtracks he would go on to compose). Inspired by the beautiful new music Isham had created, Ballard finally found the core of the film's story, restructuring it and bringing a powerful focus to the narrative (as well as adding some of the opening sequence back to the movie, minus Farley Mowat's cameo). Lastly, a roll-up prelude was added to the very beginning of the movie, written by Ballard and naturalist Peter Matthiessen (author of "The Snow Leopard" and "In the Spirit of Crazy Horse"). That magical balance of elements was finally achieved with this 4th cut of "Never Cry Wolf," and it was this version that was screened at one last sneak preview in Arizona in the spring of 1983. This time, the audience responded very favorably. At last!

The film's final budget? $12 million, well over twice the original budget.

"Never Cry Wolf" was released to theaters on October 7th, 1983. Almost unanimously praised by critics, the final box office was an impressive $29 million (nearly $70 million when adjusted for inflation) with a theatrical run that lasted for 27 weeks. Three years of incredible hard work and dedication finally paid off. "If I had it to do all over again, I would without hesitation," Smith claimed proudly. "It's rare an actor gets a part as good as this in a picture that had the integrity this one has. Also, I was much more closely involved in this picture than I have been in any other film. Not only the acting but writing and the whole creative process." In another interview, he had this to add: "Some of my friends tell me I am crazy to stay with a movie so long. I figured I had gone that far with it, I might as well finish. Besides, I believe in it. 50 years from now, people may look at 'Never Cry Wolf' and say 'What a great movie!' Maybe I killed my career in the meantime. But... it was worth it."

Surprisingly, the film was nominated for only one Oscar (for Best Sound). However, the number of reviews praising the film were astounding: "One of the 10 best films of the year. There are sequences in this movie what will make your jaw drop open out of genuine amazement" (Newsweek). "Something splendid" (Time) "One of the most breathtaking films of the year" (Los Angeles Daily News). "A wonderful movie in the fullest sense of the word" (San Francisco Chronicle). "'Never Cry Wolf' is deeply moving. It's a film of great physical and spiritual beauty that can also make you laugh out loud" (Los Angeles Magazine) "The photography of the wolves in this movie is unforgettable. In fact, this is one of the best movies I've ever seen about man's relationship with the other animals on this planet" (Roger Ebert, At The Movies).  Today, the film currently holds a certified fresh score of 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. 

Farley Mowat in 1983

One of the strongest endorsements for the film came from Farley Mowat himself: "I am convinced that 'Never Cry Wolf' will be the most important film in many years. Not important to the wolves, although it will be that too, but important to mankind - to the master species which is also, alas, the unmastered species. It's a film that stands the chance of changing, if only to a minute degree, the way we look at ourselves in relation to the rest of animate creation."

"The really incredible movie to make would be a movie about making this movie," Ballard had said at one point. "It's just endless craziness... unbelievable." After finding out the incredible backstory, I really wish someone had. Isn't it just begging for a deeply compelling documentary? There was actually a behind-the-scenes TV special aired just once (from what I can tell) back in January 1983, but it's been impossible to find anywhere. Believe me, I've looked hard for it. It would make an excellent bonus feature on the "Never Cry Wolf" DVD, but all the official releases have been very bare-bones. What a missed opportunity... I still feel strongly that a new documentary made today would be amazing, taking it's place alongside other great film-on-film docs like "Burden of Dreams" or "Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse" to name a few. 

I leave you with a link to the episode of "At The Movies" from the fall of 1983 where Siskel and Ebert both give an enthusiastic "two thumbs up" to this awesome movie. See you next entry with more love for CMS and "Never Cry Wolf!"

The facts and quotes presented in this blog entry were drawn from the following sources:

"Never Cry Wolf" Press Kit
"Never Cry Wolf" Press Book

The Disney Channel Magazine (April 1985)

"Never Cry Wolf" pages on Wikipedia and IMDb

"Filming 'Never Cry Wolf'" by Bruce Brown (published in New York Times Magazine, October 16 1983)

"Charles Martin Smith Ran Naked Among Caribou" AP story (September 20 1983)

NEVER CRY RUDOLPH!

Merry ChristMaS and a happy new year to one and all, especially Charles Martin Smith!

Special thanks to my boyfriend Martin Magee for the Photoshop magic!

30th ANNIVERSARY of "NEVER CRY WOLF" TODAY!

30 years ago today (October 7th, 1983), Walt Disney Studios released the film "Never Cry Wolf" to US theaters. In celebration of this anniversary, I'm posting this clip (a collection of scenes from the film):

BEAUTIFUL BEARDED BIOLOGIST: a trio of promo pics from "Never Cry Wolf" (1983)

Gosh. It's really frustrating that I have finally reached the point in the Charles Martin Smith filmography where I get to examine my all-time favorite movie (as well as the reasons this blog exists in the first place), yet there is so little spare time in my life right now to devote to those examinations. Grrr!!

Fortunately, I do have enough time to present this group of photos from a promotional shoot done on location sometime during the production of "Never Cry Wolf" (around 1980 or 1981). They're really beautiful shots, and I think Charles Martin Smith looks especially handsome in them. You can see him displaying  one of my favorite CMS "looks": wearing a super cute pair of wire frame glasses and sporting that thick and manly beard I have spent so many years admiring. Wardrobe-wise, there's the suspenders and thermal undershirt adding an extra bit of rugged sexiness as well. Factor in the "nerdy scientist" thing CMS is so good at... and we end up with what I would say is an absolutely perfect specimen of manhood. Swoon! 

I know a lot of my fellow bears would look at CMS in these shots and say: "That is not a bear! More like an otter, maybe..." But to me, when I think "bear", this is the visual that pops into my mind. And here he is, hella hot and hairy! "That Darn Bear!" indeed...

Yes, Charles Martin Smith is the Sexiest Man Alive.

Another film festival for THAT DARN BEAR!

Back in the fall of 2011, I mentioned a short film I had pieced together paying tribute to my favorite actor, Charles Martin Smith. In particular, it examines the impact his performance in Disney's 1983 movie "Never Cry Wolf" had on me in my younger days. Initially meant for just myself, I ended up submitting it to a San Francisco short film festival  where the audience response was very positive. So whad'ya know? "That Darn Bear" (2011) is screening publicly again! The fine folks at Tucson AZ's "Out in the Desert" LGBT Film Festival 2013 have selected my CMS-centric short to be part of an "Adults Only" program (Behind Closed Doors, Friday January 25th @ 10:30 PM). Sadly, I won't be there to see how this bunch of moviegoers react to my little labor of love. But if you are in the vicinity of Tucson on January 25th, perhaps you can drop in and check it out (as well as any of the other awesome-sounding films running in the festival).

ESSENTIAL '80s CMS

Woo hoo! It's the start of a new year, and I've made it to the second decade of Charles Martin Smith's career! I'm very excited that I was able to acquire almost everything he appeared in from the 1980s. There are two exceptions, and both are television projects. The first is the 2nd episode of the short-lived 1980 TV series "When the Whistle Blows" and the second is a unsold TV pilot from 1981 called "Gabe and Walker" (so obscure it's not even on Mr. Smith's IMDb page). Besides those, I've gotten my hands on all the rest. It's true, it was an easier task than getting the 1970s stuff, but we're also comparing a shorter list (the '80s have 11 total titles compared to the 24 from the '70s I had to search for). Even if his pace slowed down, he made up for it by giving us his strongest and most entertaining work. Best of all, Charles reaches his highest peak of total sexiness during this time period. Here's a preview of the next batch of CMS I'll be examining:

Herbie Goes Bananas (1980)

I'm totally bananas for  Charlie's second appearance in a Walt Disney motion picture, looking even hotter than in his previous film for the studio ("No Deposit, No Return")! 

Never Cry Wolf (1983)

The third time really is the charm when CMS plays the lead role in his third film for Disney. The movie itself is incredible on so many levels, and there are no words strong enough to describe how super-sexy Charlie is in it!

Starman (1984)

Another top-notch chunk of celluloid: not only a career highlight for CMS, but also stars Jeff Bridges and Karen Allen, as well as director John Carpenter. And the Smith sexiness is still going strong...

Twilight Zone: The Beacon (1985)

Charlie's first full-on horror title, from the '80s revival of the popular '60s series. Cuteness levels still remain high...

The Ray Bradbury Theater: Banshee (1986)

More horror for CMS with this ACE award-winning episode, playing opposite the great Peter O'Toole. Charlie's hotness shows no signs of stopping...

Trick or Treat (1986)
CMS makes a cameo appearance in his highly entertaining directorial debut. Even disguised, he cannot conceal his cuteness.

The Untouchables (1987)

Perhaps Mr. Smith's most well-known performance is in this superb Brian De Palma classic, playing in his best ensemble cast since "American Graffiti" (1973)... and of course he's hella handsome in it too!

The Experts (1989)

More CMS cuteness in this Cold War comedy from actor-turned-director Dave Thomas, with co-stars John Travolta and Kelly Preston. 

The Ray Bradbury Theater: Boys! Raise Giant Mushrooms in Your Cellar (1989)

Charlie finishes out the 80s with a truly adorable guest appearance, as he returns for another starring role on this entertainingly eerie TV series.

Wow! Such great movie and TV watching ahead of me! I am so eager to dig in and share it with you! See you soon with more CMS love!

TEDDY THE TENDERFOOT: "The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams" (1977)

I've got to be careful. There's so much I could say about "The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams", the iconic mountain man TV series that ran on NBC for almost 2 seasons starting in March of 1977, before even bringing up CMS. So I'll try to keep it short. This is one I have vague memories of from childhood. I can't remember what I thought of it at the time, whether I liked it or not. Since growing up, coming out, and falling in with the bears, it's a show that now takes on an entirely different meaning when I watch it today. A lot of bear guys look at Dan Haggerty and see this vivid manifestation of a sexy archetype, or at least admire his thick beard. His character, James "Grizzly" Adams, even shares a relationship with an actual bear animal that lends itself very easily to reinterpreting as a gay relationship (as Seth MacFarlane famously did on a "Family Guy" episode).

I have to point out something very special before jumping into my rundown of "The Tenderfoot", the 8th episode from the show's first season (first broadcast March 30th, 1977). In the movies and TV shows I have watched so far for this blog, this was the first time CMS was credited as CHARLES Martin Smith, instead of using the more casual Charlie.  I'm not sure of the reasoning behind the switch, though you'll see in the next several CMS roles I look at after this one that he seems to have been going for a slight image make-over. It might have been nothing more than reflecting the fact that he was getting older and maturing (bravo to that!).

You may or may not know the general premise of the series: Mid-19th century American Wilderness. Adams falsely accused of murder. Flees from civilization with a price on his head. Uncanny ability to connect with wild animals.  Learns to live off the land. Friends with crabby old prospector "Mad" Jack (Denver Pyle) and Native American tribesman Nakoma (Don Shanks).  Best friends with Ben the Bear.

These folks deep in the mountains spend a lot of time talking to animals. Adams has conversations with Ben the Bear, who seems to grunt and growl in response. There's also Joshua the Racoon and Gertrude the Goose (among other animals), who chitter and honk back at Mr. Adams when he chats with them. Even "Mad" Jack shares this trait, as we see near the start of the episode, when he talks to his mule he calls "Number Seven". They are waking alongside a small creek as Jack tells the mule that he can sense someone is watching them. And indeed someone is, staring down at them from a hilltop through a pair of binoculars. Who could it be? Is it possibly... a bounty hunter looking for Adams?

No it's not. It's none other than Charles Martin Smith, playing another one of his adorable bumbling nerd roles. He plays Teddy, a young fella out on his own exploring the wilderness, who's so klutzy he can't even walk down a hillside to introduce himself to Jack without stumbling and falling into the creek. Although Teddy is confident he is doing well for himself in the wild, he's feeling kind of lonely, and he asks Jack if he can tag along with him for some company. Of course grouchy Jack isn't too keen on this request, preferring to see the young guy go on his way and move beyond the hidden valley he calls home along with Adams. "I can't stop you from following, I guess..." Jack grumbles as he grabs Number Seven's reins and starts to leave.

They don't get more than a few feet when Teddy starts to pant and wheeze, doubling over and stopping in his tracks. "I'll be fine," he gasps. "It's just asthma, chronic case." In a moment, the attack passes, and Teddy stands up straight again with a smile on his face. But Jack just shakes his head. "If you're smart, you'll be going home," he tells the young guy. "Now. Before you get yourself killed." But Teddy doesn't listen and trots along behind the old man and the mule as they continue on.

After several miles, Jack stops to set up camp for the night, and he asks Teddy what he knows about campsites. The young man reaches into his coat and pulls out a red-covered manual: "The Outdoor Life" by... someone named Lethingwell? I'm not sure, I can't quite make it out. Let's just say it's Lethingwell and move on. "It's the greatest book ever published," Teddy gushes. "It has everything in it: How to blaze new trails. How to survive... under any circumstances. How to make the wilderness your natural home." Jack is not impressed. "Does it tell you anything in that backwoods bible about collecting wood for a fire?" he asks, motioning off towards the open field. Teddy smiles and takes the challenge. "You just leave the fire to me, old man," he enthuses, and he turns away before he can see how he has insulted Jack. "Old man?!?" the grizzled trader fumes, and continues setting up camp.

Teddy does find some good firewood, but only because he literally stumbles upon it. He's awful at making a fire though, first scraping his hand when he tries to use flint and steel to start it, then when he cheats and uses a match he catches the nearby underbrush on fire. Oops! Jack starts to stomp out the fire, but Teddy grabs Jack's canteen of water in a panic and dumps its entire contents on the flames.

So now he needs to head out and find some water, where there are no obvious sources of it anywhere nearby. As he turns to head off on another Lethingwell-guided search, he stands for a moment in profile... and once again my eyes are drawn to that beautiful bubble butt that Mr. Smith possesses. Even covered in layers of outdoor wear, I cannot help but take notice of that captivating curvature. Sigh...

After returning with some nasty-tasting water found in the center of a log (Jack calls it "skunk water" and refuses it when offered), Teddy discloses the reasons he is out here alone in the middle of nowhere. "Well, I have a purpose. A very important purpose," he explains. "I've been called to high service. I'm absolutely sure of that. Destiny is beckoning to me.... I'm going to be somebody, someday. But I've been plagued with illnesses ever since I was a child. My father says that physical fitness is the key to success. So that's why I'm out here!" When he suggests that he just stick with Jack for an extended time, the prospector isn't having it, and he again strongly urges the misguided young man to head back to civilization as soon as he can. Early the next morning, Jack sneaks away from camp and leaves Teddy alone sleeping by the fire.

But it's not that easy to get rid of this "tenderfoot", as Teddy manages to follow Jack to "Grizzly" Adams's isolated log cabin. As he proudly strolls over to Adams and Jack, he finally formally introduces himself: "How do you do? My name is Roosevelt. Theodore Roosevelt." Gosh, he's not any old run-of-the-mill clueless city slicker... he's a future great president of America! Now all that personal information shared while sitting by the campfire makes sense. If only Adams and Jack had any idea who their unwanted visitor would grow up to become....

Sometime later, Teddy is asleep in Adams's bed inside the cabin while the other two talk outside. Meanwhile, Native American tribesman Nakoma (possibly Cherokee like the actor portraying him) walks up to the exterior of the cabin and whispers for Adams through the bedroom window. Hmm, makes me wonder what sort of rendezvous these two have, what with Nakoma showing up at his bedroom window whispering his name. Two-Spirit indeed! He playfully grabs a bucket of water to dump on the person sleeping in the bed, who he assumes is his buddy "Grizzly". Just as Nakoma realizes his error, Teddy awakens in a fright, shouting out in alarm: "Indians! Indians!" In the blink of an eye, he's out of bed and pouncing on the confused "intruder", shouting and screaming and flailing the whole time.

Nakoma manages to fling Teddy off his back, but young guest just won't quit. "I warn you, I'm an expert!" he announces as he puts up his dukes. Nakoma backs away to avoid a punch and accidentally falls over a stool behind him, tumbling to the ground. Teddy takes advantage of the tribal warrior's position, hopping on top of him and pummeling him with his clenched fists. Just in time, Adams rushes into the cabin and pulls Teddy off his downed friend, actually lifting him off the ground with both hands, scooping him up (one hand placed firmly under Teddy's butt) and throwing him across the room! Woah!

While Adams points out that the "savage Indian" is actually his peaceful friend and blood brother, Teddy remains unconvinced. "He attacked me with a bucket of water!" he blurts out, and almost immediately realizes how ridiculous he sounds. Nakoma shares a knowing look with Jack, insults Teddy in his tribe's language (calling him crazy and stinky), and storms out the cabin door. Adams reassures Teddy that it will blow over and asks him to pitch in to clean up the messy aftermath of the altercation. "It was hardly my fault, after all," Teddy mutters in protest and walks outside, leaving  his hosts to clean up the post-fight wreckage strewn all over the cabin. How rude! Jack is understandably irritated, but Adams is a bit more forgiving.

It's time for Teddy to meet the animal friends of Mr. Adams. Gertrude the Goose startles him while he's trying to wash his face in the stream that runs nearby, taking a moment to peck at his behind with her beak (I'd be doing the same thing as Gertrude if I were in her position). An attempt to ride Number Seven ends poorly as Teddy is flung from the temperamental animal's back and into the stream. But you gotta admire the young chap's perpetual pluckiness, as he picks himself back up with a laugh and a smile (even if he does limp away from the scene of the accidental tumble).

Then there's the encounter with Ben the Bear. Our cute tenderfoot has retreated back to the cozy interior of the log cabin, removing his wet clothing and stripping down to his union suit. This would have made for quite a sexy scene, except that it all happens offscreen while we focus on Adams and Jack conversating outside. When we join Teddy, his damp apparel has already been removed and he's wrapped up in a thick blanket. Aw... no Teddy in his undergarments? As you might have seen in a previous entry, the sight of CMS in his underwear makes me very happy (almost as happy as the sight of CMS naked makes me, but I'll get to that in future entries). But as I mentioned, there's an incident with Ben the Bear (one that works to my advantage).

So here's Teddy, chillin' on a bench in front of a warm fire... when in comes the aforementioned  bear. Teddy is startled by the sight of this beast lumbering into the room, even if Ben is being mellow and smiling cheerily at him. Yes, the bear is actually smiling. I guess the bared teeth came across as bloodthirsty. In any case, Teddy throws the blanket off and jumps to his feet. "Bear! Bear!" he shouts as he backs against the wall, shaking with fear. I'm grateful the situation resulted in the sight I was hoping for when the scene began: more unclothed CMS! I'm really loving it, since the long johns are pretty snug, clinging to his beautiful body in the most lovely way.

There's a rifle and ammo across the room, so Teddy scoots by to grab it, which allows me to view his flattering underclothes from behind too. Awww, yeah! There's that deliciously delightful derrière that I adore so much! Teddy's tantalizing tookus, even covered in a (thin) layer of fabric, is such a pleasure to behold...

OK, he's got the rifle in his hands. He's packing the ammo, ready to fire. Can he do it? Can he remain calm in the face of adversity? Well, he can pull a trigger but he can't hit a target, not even one as big as Ben. The bear trots back outside, unscathed, while Teddy gets a face full of black crud as the gunpowder blows up in his face. Oh, will the klutziness never end?

Racing outside under the assumption that the bloodthirsty animal will be attacking his hosts, Teddy is surprised to discover Adams and Jack calmly standing by as gentle Ben meanders away. "Is that your bear?" Teddy asks in disbelief. "He thinks I'm his," Adams replies. Did I mention already how the relationship between the mountain man and his favorite bear is very easy to interpret as some sort of backwoods gay love affair? How the man and the bear more-or-less sleep together? Though Ben is so huge he takes up the whole bed, leaving Adams to sleep on the nearby floor.

Teddy seems to be getting used to things being a little different in this neck of the woods, as he accepts the unconventional relationship between man and beast with an "Oh..." and a shrug of the shoulders. As he turns to leave, I am treated to one last glimpse of his perfect posterior that I can't shut up about. Ahhhh.... so nice.

Soon, Teddy is clothed again (frown) and announces that he's saying goodbye. "What you've accomplished in this valley... I'm very very impressed," he explains to Adams. "I want to do the same thing. And I'm sure I can succeed. I have quite a few ideas of my own." And he marches off into the hills, Gerturde the Goose following closely behind. She must have become as much a fan of his butt as I am, presumably anticipating the opportunity to bite on his behind with her beak a bit more. I can't really blame her for desiring such things...

Things start off nicely, with Gertrude cozying up in Teddy's arms while random deer stroll up and lick his hand (actually CMS not-so-discreetly feeds the cute creature a treat, and as soon as the morsel in his hand is consumed, the deer is outta there). "It's wonderful how friendly the animals are," Teddy muses, seemingly feeling a new connection to the natural world and it's inhabitants. He discovers exactly how friendly when he takes a nap under a tree. He awakes to discover a porcupine crawling around between his legs, sniffing at his crotch. Gosh! But Gertrude is a jealous bitch, and she squawks and beats her wings which scares the cock-curious critter away.

It doesn't take too long for the enthusiastic greenhorn to screw something up again. An attempt at chopping a tree down goes horribly wrong when the timber topples onto Teddy! Oh no! He's trapped underneath! Like something out of "Lassie", Gertrude races back to the Adams cabin, where her distress honks are correctly interpreted to mean that young Theodore is in trouble! Acting like a faithful dog, the goose leads Adams and Jack back to the site of the accident. And just in time too, because a very unfriendly rattlesnake is slithering dangerously close to the pinned young man! Using nothing more than a stick and his bare hands, Adams scoops the serpent up and away. Wow, that was impressive! No wonder this mountain man is so legendary.

"Mad" Jack and "Grizzly" Adams make another plea to "Tenderfoot" Teddy that it's time to go home and leave this wilderness world that he is just not prepared to handle living in. But Theodore is oh-so stubbornly insisting that he is fully capable of roughing it in the wild. To prove it, he will lead them back through the woods to the cabin... and proceeds to head in the wrong direction. Jack's patience is at it's end, but Adams insists on treating Teddy with a little more compassion and understanding, so they still accompany him along the wrong route anyways.

After wandering for who-knows-how-long, Teddy admits he has no idea where they are. A landslide wipes out the trail down a mountainside that they would have taken back to the Adams estate. Their only other option is a decayed rope bridge across a gorge. The others can tell it's not gonna be safe to cross, but of course Teddy volunteers to give it a go. Sensibly pocketing his glasses, he steps up to the edge of the cliff...

Ooooh! It's a long way down to the raging river roiling along the chasm's bottom. All you would need is some crocodiles in the water and some Thugee cult members adding more menace and you would have a setting fit for the finale of "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" (1984). Thank goodness there's no whiny Kate Capshaw around. Teddy, in a combination of bravery and stupidity, steps out onto the rotting wood planks of the crumbling overpass. "Lethingwell never said anything about bridges," he tells himself. "I guess I'm on my own." Yes he is, as the other 2 stay behind, shouting for Teddy to come back.

Danger! Danger! Half-way across, the ropes begin to split and the planks crack and collapse under him! Yikes!  In the midst of this perilous predicament, I get the unexpected surprise of a camera shot from between his legs looking up at his crotch. Now THAT'S exciting!

Obviously, Teddy is going to survive and grow up to become the president... but I am going to stop my recap right here. Even if you know the golden rules of 1970s TV (specifically, everything turns out OK in the end), I'm not gonna tell you how this literal cliffhanger resolves itself. There's been enough spoilers in this entry already.

Speaking of spoiling, I'm getting spoiled by all this tasty footage of an intensely cute and dreamy Charles Martin Smith. I don't know how I felt about the show itself. I'm all for it's message of respecting nature and living in peace with the animals, but I don't think Dan Haggerty is a very charismatic actor. He grows a nice beard, but I found myself more captivated by a clean-shaven CMS. Haggerty has a nice smile, but on that count Mr. Smith has him beat too. I am sure many of my bear friends would think me insane for not being attracted, but "Grizzly" just doesn't do it for me. I'd much rather choose Charles, who in addition to being super-adorable in this episode also gives a very entertaining performance. Admittedly, he's just playing one of those awkward nerd roles again, but he's so damn good at it!

I shouldn't be surprised that this much-beloved TV series is not out on DVD. Like I've said before, there's a ton of movies and TV content from the 1970s that has seemingly disappeared into the void. Fortunately, some nice fan posted episodes on YouTube, including the one I have written about here.